My parents' Choice? My Choice? (Part 2)

… ’Will you marry me Enitan?’I was dazed.

I remembered how Yemi and I rehearsed for our proposal day, how he will go on his knees, and I will scream and jump on him. I asked myself ‘Do I really want to get married to a guy I barely know? Am I ready for commitment with Ali? Am I ready to marry a guy that is not Yemi?’ If I should say yes it would mean that Yemi and I would never ever be together. I looked to my left, I saw my father smiling. It had been ages since I saw my father smile at me. I decided to say yes because my father was happy with Ali. Deep in my heart I was weeping, all these years I had waited for Yemi’s proposal, but I got Alis’. Don’t get me wrong, Ali is a nice guy. He is cool, he is calm and he has a great sense of humor. The only problem I had was, I didn’t know him well enough, and I was not ready to come to terms with the fact that I will be spending the rest of my life with a guy other than Yemi.

When I said YES, my father jumped with so much joy. He hugged Ali and I, you need to have seen him, he was so happy, there was excitement written all over his face.  He started making some phone calls; it was obvious he has started planning the wedding. My mum took me to my room; she could see the pain in my eyes. She asked me ‘Do you want do to this? Are you ready for this journey?’ It then dawned on me that I was truly going on a journey, a journey of no return. There was no point changing my mind, I didn’t want to turn my father’s happiness to sadness.

Ali and I got married in a grand way, when I say grand I mean GRAND. As the only girl, my father made sure the wedding was the talk of town. It was a big wedding I must say. Yemi sent me a gift, I smiled when I saw his note saying ’Happy Married Life Caramel’ Yemi calls me caramel because I call him honey, a nickname we gave ourselves. I replied saying thank you honey. I miss him.

Ali and I went for our honeymoon in Dubai; we didn’t look like newlyweds because we were not acting like one. We only took pictures, we didn’t even make love. Well, we made love the day we were leaving Dubai, it was not all that compared to when Yemi and I make love. Our honeymoon ended well though.

Weeks after our honeymoon, Ali and I started behaving like strangers. We don’t really talk; we didn’t make love since our honeymoon. Anytime I trying caressing Ali, he shoves my hand and says he wants to rest or he is tired. I thought to myself he could be tired, at least we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, so why the rush.

I forgot a case file I needed for a meeting at home, so I had to rush back home. On getting home, the doors were locked. I opened the doors took my file and as I was heading out, I remembered I didn’t turn off the Air conditioner. I opened the room door; to my surprise who did I see.  Ali was having sex with another man on our matrimonial bed. Ali was GAY!

I woke up in the hospital, my parents and Ali were by my side. The nurse came to inform me I was pregnant. My parents were so happy; they were praying and doing all sorts. I told my parents to please excuse Ali and I. Ali was begging me, he was crying. He told me he was gay, he married me because he didn’t want people to ask questions. I started fixing the patches from the day I met Ali, the signs were glaring. I remembered the day we made love on our honeymoon; Ali wanted to make love through the anus. We argued about it, but later made love through the vagina. No wonder it sucked. The puzzle had been fixed, Ali was gay. All I felt that moment was hatred for Ali, I was Pro-Gay but I couldn’t stand Ali. I use to fight for homosexuals, but never imagined I will be married to one. I didn’t know how to break the sad and shocking news to my parents. Well, they made this choice for me, so they must find a solution for me.

I called in my parents, told them how grateful I was for them ruining my life, and how horrible the choice they made for me was. I thought to myself I am an adult I could have made my own choice, but why did I follow my parents choice. I was blinded with the love I had for my parents, I didn’t want them to hate me. I wanted them to love me like they always did. Now I hate my parents, I didn’t even want to see them. My mum was crying, she couldn’t find the right word to say. She was blaming my father for his egocentric religious beliefs.

I went back to my parents’ house, I couldn’t tell my friends, family the reason why I left Ali. Ali should do the explanation himself, I am not ready for people to feel pity for me whatsoever. I decided to keep the baby; I cannot hurt a little innocent soul. I am currently filling for divorce; I was married for only 3 month. I never imagined my marriage could be this brief, my idea of marriage was for a lifetime.

I found out Yemi is still single, but how will I face him or his family. I know deeply well Yemi still loves me, but I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for how badly my parents and I behaved to him. If I could I reverse the hands of time, I would have disobeyed my parents marry Yemi and be happily married. They say experience is the best teacher, life taught me the hard way. One thing I learnt from my experience is ‘Follow your heart’. Forget traditions, culture, and parents’ choices; make your own choice. Because the life you would be saving is yours!

My parents' Choice?My Choice? (Part 1)

My Parent’s choice? My choice?
Choices? What do people know about choices? People may think real life choices are like the multiple choice questions where all the answer are right, but only one is the best answer for the question. Real life choices are harder and tough to make.

I come from a country where our parents are like Gods, a mini-god to be precise. Before we make any choice or decision in our life's we consult our parents, their say will be paramount regardless of what we feel or want.

I met Ali when I went for a party with my mum, he was so cute, clean and cool. I was pinging my friend when I felt a tap on my shoulder ‘hey, can I join you?’ It was Ali; I was excited that the guy I was scoping walked up to me. I was not really in the mood of talking, but I wanted to get to know him. He had a great sense of humor. He made me laugh all through the party; even my mother was wondering what was wrong with me. We later exchanged numbers and pins.

Did I tell you I had a boyfriend? Well, I have a boyfriend. His name is Yemi. Yemi and I have been dating for 6(six) years now. Yes 6 years. We love ourselves so much and we also cannot live without each other. Yemi is my ideal man; in short he is my life.

‘Hey beauty’ a message from Ali. I was shocked because it was 3 months since I saw him at the party. I replied asking how he has been doing. We chatted for hours. My mum came to my room to tell me she and my dad wanted to talk to me. I had to pause my chat with Ali. When I got to the living room, my dad was looking so serious. I was scared maybe I had done something wrong.

‘My baby’ my dad said at first. My dad calls me his baby; I am the only girl with 4(four) brothers. I am my father’s pet. ‘Who is your boyfriend?’ he asked. I was shy because my father has never asked me such question before. I replied saying ‘Yemi’.
He continued ‘I have a problem with Yemi.’ At first I was surprised, my dad knows Yemi so well. How come he has a problem with him now?
‘What is the problem daddy?’
‘Yemi is not of the same faith with us.’
‘And so, who cares?’ I said.
‘We care. Over my dead body will you marry someone from another religion.’ He said with so much anger. I have never seen my father this furious. I was wondering maybe the way I spoke was rude or maybe Yemi annoyed him.
‘Daddy, I am so sorry if I got you angry, but you have to explain to me what the problem is. Yemi and I have been dating for 6(six) years and we will be 7(seven) years in 2(two) months ti…’ my father cuts me short.

‘Shut that foolish mouth of yours. You even have the audacity to tell me that you will be 7 years soon. You cannot marry him; I do not want to know the amount of years you have been dating. All I know is that you cannot marry him. Period!’ He said and walked out of the living room. I was astounded. Tears rolling down my chubby cheeks. It was like I never knew my father. My mum pets me and hurriedly followed my father. I felt my world crumbling in front of me. All I could see was my 6 years with Yemi going down the drain. Yemi is my life, he is my soul mate. I cannot imagine my life without him.

I saw missed calls from Yemi, he had been calling me. I didn’t know whether to call him back or to ignore. I didn’t want to behave nasty to him because he would know something is wrong with me. I sent him a message saying I was not feeling too well. Before I knew it Yemi was at my house. I heard the customized honk he does whenever he arrives. As he entered the living room, he met my dad. He prostrated as a guy will do when he wants to greet someone older than him. My dad didn’t respond. He later turned to Yemi and said ‘Yemi please do me a favor. Leave Enitan alone. She cannot marry you. I will never give my daughter to you.’ Yemi couldn’t say a word. In between sobs I told Yemi to please go home. I could see the pain on Yemi’s face as he walked out of the door and my life.

As seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months goes by my heart yearned for Yemi. My world had always revolved around Yemi that I couldn’t imagine spending it without him. My father started ignoring me; whenever I try talking to him he pays no attention to me. I became so scared of my father; he was like a stranger that I was just getting to know. I didn’t know what to do to make him talk or even look at me. I went to meet my mum to please talk to my father, she said she has tried that I have to do what my father wants. I told her how sad dad’s decision is making me feel. She said ‘Parents are mini-gods for a reason. Respect your fathers’ decision.’ I thought to myself, do I make my choice or follow my parents’ choice even though I know their choice hurts me badly? I love my parents so much; I do not want to hurt their feelings. I will rather get hurt than make them hate me.

I decided to follow my parents’ choice, I totally ignored Yemi. I stopped picking his calls, stopped replying his messages and even stopped all communication with him and his family. Yemi's parents, siblings, friends and family were always calling to apologize, but I didn’t change my decision.

I got a message from Ali while I was at work saying he wanted to see me that it was urgent. I was surprised what could be so urgent that he could not say on the phone. I got home and I met Ali in my living room. I was speechless, but later asked 'what are you doing here?’. He said he couldn’t wait that he had to come over to my house. My dad was in the living room, he looked happy. He was even smiling at me. Before I could say jack, Ali was on his knees ‘Will you marry me Enitan?’…

"I was raped"

'Where are you coming from? Where have you been? Library again? You this girl will not kill yourself with books, I have told you several times to stop staying late in the library. Don't worry my dear you will pass the Bar exams. I need you to rest.' ...That was what my lovely mother was saying as I walked through those doors into the house. How I wish she knew how shattered I was. I couldn't tell her what just happened to me some hours ago. My mother grabbed me a towel and she wrapped me up, I was soaked from head to toe. I went to my room to take a wash.

I was at the bus station waiting for a bus when some guys came to join me. As time went by, they started teasing me, calling me names like 'Sister Mary' 'how good are you on bed?'. At first, I was scared but I prayed and wished a bus could come quickly. As time goes by the teasing started annoying me, then a lanky dark guy grappled me. Before I knew it the other guys joined and they took me into the bush. At first I was shouting, screaming, yelling doing all sorts to make me forget the horrible ordeal that was happening to me but I lost my strength. All I felt was pain. I never wished my first time will be this painful. Every girl's wish is that her husband breaks her hymen; mine was broken by some guys that I do not even know. Guys I do not know whether they had STD's or AIDs... I passed out I guess.

I woke up with pains, it was raining heavily. I guess that was what woke me up. I wished death had taken me away to a land of no return. How do I face my parents, family and friends? Who do I tell what just happened to me? I cried my eyes out wishing the ground could open up to swallow me. I have heard of people being raped but I never knew I would be a victim one day.  I summoned courage to go home to tell my family what just happened to me. Buses started flooding the street, I was so angry. I was thinking 'where were you when I needed you?’.

I rang the bell; I was greeted with a warm lovely smile from my mom. I thought to myself 'why should I turn this smile to sadness?' She got me a towel and gave me a cup of hot tea. I was crying deep inside me, I couldn't tell her what just happened. I went to my room to take a wash. I cried, cried and cried till I fell asleep.

I was so weak and tired the next morning, I stood up to say my morning prayer to God, to ask him why he allowed that horrible act happen to me his one and only lovely daughter. I screamed and cried while praying, I poured out my heart to God to show me a way to move on with my shattered life. My mum ran to my room when she heard me screaming 'What is my dear?' she said in my native language. With tears in my eyes I hugged my mum and told her everything. She cried and told me everything will be fine. She said she was going to call the police but I told her not to let the world know what just happened to me.

For days, week, months, my mum was always there for me, she followed me to the hospital to flush my womb. I did various test to make sure I didn’t get any kind of disease from those guys. She was always soothing me. When I couldn't study for my Bar exam, she will encourage me to strive hard. I was so sad that I always blamed my Bar exams for what happened to me. I finally took the Bar exams and to my surprised I passed. I started getting calls from law firms saying they will like to employ me. It then dawned on me that I should become an activist for women and children. I went online to Google up organization, law firms that fight for women and children.

3years after, I am sitting in my office sharing my story with you today. I became a Family law attorney; I fought cases for women, ladies and children that have experienced my type of situation. Now I know what God had in store for me, he wanted me to be an advocate for women, ladies, and children without voices. I became an advisor for people that could not face the world, I made them understand that no matter how bad your situation you can always achieve your goals. I held lectures in schools, mosques, churches, offices and conferences to enlighten people about things they didn't know about rape victims. People usually blame rape victims for the act that happens to them, but that is not right. You cannot blame people for what happens to them, no one ever wishes to be rape.

Rape is a horrible experience I always wish I could forget but it keeps coming back once in a while. With my experience as a victim and a lawyer I can now give women of all ages who have been through my experience voices to fight for themselves, to let them know they don't have to keep it a secret like I did, they should come out so we can all fight and say no to RAPE.  I am so euphoric and comfort with the fact I am playing a big part in the war against Rape and the abuse of women, ladies and children of all ages so that they don't have to walk through the door like I did many years ago with sad tears in their eyes. Sharing my story made me feel a lot better and I hope you share yours.

Say No to RAPE! Say No to RAPE!! Say No to RAPE!!!

The Wrong Turn

We all have made that one wrong turn we all wish we never took. The turn that either cost us our life, future or families. The wrong turn either makes us stronger or weaker...This post (The wrong turn) was inspired by Kati Kim’s story (Wrong Turn). Kati Kim’s improbable survival story. The story is so touching; it made me realize how wonderful God is. God watches us all day and he is always by our sides, he protects us from all evil that want to harm us. God is so so so wonderful.

Kati, James and their two children (Penelope and Sabine) Kim went to Seattle, Washington for thanksgiving holiday (25th of November, 2006). On their way back to California, San Francisco where they reside, the Kim’s missed a turnoff from Interstate 5 to Oregon Route 42, a main route to the Oregon coast. Instead of returning to the exit, they consulted a highway map and picked a secondary route that skirted the wild rouge wilderness, a remote area of southwestern Oregon.

It was during winter, so they encountered a very heavy snow when they made a turn by mistake to bear camp, a road that leads to nowhere. A road that was loosely paved, it is like driving to the end of the world. The road had a gate that was to be closed but because of some people that may have gone in by mistake, the gate was opened.


After driving and driving, the family finally stopped due to fatigue and bad weather.  Snow started falling and it immobilized their car a station wagon, the Kim’s kept warm by running its engine. There was no reception for them to make a call. They were there for 3days with neither water nor food. Kati Kim had to breastfeed her 4year old child and her 3months old baby; she was practically turning her body to calories for her children (mother’s love and God’s guidance). 
When the vehicle ran out of fuel, they made a campfire of dried wood, magazines and Penelope’s favorite teddy bear. The friends and family of Kati Kim were worried as to why they hadn't call to them they were home, they called their cell phone but all to no avail.


Later, they burned their car's tires to signal rescuers. Hoping someone will see them in the wilderness. Search efforts began on the 30^th of November 2006, Mr. Kim's father, Spencer Kim, spent several days looking for the family along area highways and roads, all to no avail. After 7 days with no water or food, James Kim decided to go get help for his family. 


The search for the Kim’s family was still going on. After 2days when James did not return Kati decided to go and get help too, she carried her two children along with her.  As they were walking on a lonely road, a volunteer local pilot sighted Kati and her two children on the 4th of December, 2006. The rescue team came to help them. Kati asked for James and the rescue team said they didn't see him. James was now missing. They had to track the route he took.


On the 6th of December 2006, James Kim’s body was found lying by Big windy creek. He had died, he died of hypothermia (a condition in which core temperature drops below the required temperature for normal metabolism and body functions which is defined as 35.0 °C (95.0 °F).). He wanted to get help for his family but his body was so weak, he needed fluids to get him going but he had none because he had been dehydrated for days.


People where asking why didn't they turn back to where they coming from? Why didn't James turn back when he didn't get help? So many whys? You can’t blame someone for the trying to help his family. Don’t ever blame someone for his or her situation because you don’t know what they going through. There is this Yoruba adage that says “Eni kan lomo” it simply means “You can’t know how it feels except you are the affected person”.

10 whole days in a car without food or water during winter with two little children that are so fragile, can’t you see God is wonderful? He was with the Kim’s all through their trying period. After watching the documentary of what happened to the Kim’s, I asked myself would I have done in that situation and then I realize I will hope in God because there is no on else to turn to than him.

Let us all be grateful for the air that we breathe, it is only by Gods doing. Let us always remember that there is only one God and he is always watching us.

Sorry to bore you with my story, I just wanted to share a Harrowing Ordeal of a family I read and watched. Continue to Rest in Peace James Kim.

For more information about Kati Kim’s story check http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Kim or you could watch the documentary on http://abcnews.go.com/2020/kati-kim-tells-heart-wrenching-story-family-ended/story?id=12884927

Pains of the Past.

Mo was always falling ill and we really couldn’t say what was going wrong with her. Her father decided to take her to U.K. for an intensive check-up. We later found out Mo was SS. How can that be possible? Her dad is AA and I am AS. Well, Mo’s dad was curious because he is AA. We all did some blood test and DNA test…

16 years ago when I was in London shopping for my wedding, I saw someone that I had lost contacts with all this years. It was Robert my Ex-boyfriend, I was so elated to see him and he was also elated to see me. We chatted for a while and exchanged numbers. I told him I was shopping for my wedding and I hope he will come. As Robert was leaving I felt some part of me was leaving too, I couldn’t fathom what was happening but I could tell I wanted to go with Robert.

Robert was my first love or rather let me say the first guy I ever slept with, the guy I lost my priceless gift to. He was my one and only and I was also his one and only then. I met Robert when I was doing my registration in the university and he didn’t know how to do his registration.  So I helped him out and that was how we became friends. We became so close that we started sleeping at each other’s apartment, we go to school together and we go almost everywhere together.

The turning point in our relationship started when we found out that we were both AS, we decided to end the relationship because we didn’t want to have children that will be going through pain and all. It wasn’t easy at first but we later got use to the separation.

Before I left the bridal store where I saw Robert, I called him. I told him I wanted us to have a drink and chat since we have not seen for some years now. We later met at a bar and we drank and chat till we were drunk, we were so cheerful together. I told him how I met my fiancé and how he proposed. Robert told me he has not moved on since our split, ‘It is not easy finding a girl like you, sweetheart. No one can ever fill your space in my heart.’ That night was the best night of our lives; we later went to Robert’s hotel. He held my hand and told me ‘Sweetheart, I will always love you.’ Those words made me emotional; Robert is very romantic, the kind of guy every woman would want as a husband but circumstances did not allow it to happen for us. I told Rob, I will always love him too. We kissed and before we knew it, we were having sex. I didn’t feel guilty that I was cheating on my fiancé; all I wanted at that moment was to make Robert and myself happy.

After the hot sex, we laughed about it and promised we won’t see each other again and that we would not look for each other. As I was walking to my hotel, I felt guilty about what I just did. I said to myself ‘Don’t feel bad, you are not going to do it again. Be happy woman, you are getting married in 3days time. Everybody has that one little secret. At least you don’t know what your fiancé is doing at the moment. Be happy.’

I deleted Robert’s number and tried not to remember what just happened. I got married to my lovely husband; we had our honeymoon in a very beautiful country. All the memories of Robert has been wiped away, my husband was far better than Robert. He is very caring and romantic. We now have 3 lovely children. I named my last child Rob, because he reminded me so much of Robert.

I saw the other side of my husband after DNA result came out and we found out he was not the father of Mo. I have not cheated on him. How will he not be the father of Mo. I started doing calculations and it dawned on me that the fling I had with Robert before my wedding was the production of Mo. I couldn’t tell my husband what I just found out but I summoned the courage to tell him. He couldn’t believe it and he left the house that day. I could not tell anyone what had happened, I tried calling my husband but all his phones were off. He finally called and said he wanted a divorce. I begged him to please consider our children; he said all he wanted was a divorce.

After two weeks, I got a letter from my husband he had already filed for divorce. I called my mum and told her all that happened. She got me a lawyer to fight for the custody of my two children. I got the custody of my children and my marriage was declared dissolved because of one silly mistake of mine.

I just realized that my foolishness and selfishness have destroyed both my beautiful home and my marriage. I have learnt the hard way, that there's no point sticking to past relationships. We should avoid our Ex(s) at all cost and if in any way we come in contact, we should not stir up old memories or create the atmosphere. The PAST should not in any way affect our FUTURE which of course will become our TODAY.

What can I say?

I signed up to the latest social network everyone has been talking about, Twitter.  Twitter was not really my thing because you have to follow and follow before you can enjoy it and if people don’t follow you back you can’t send them DM (Direct Message), strange. Well, I got used to it and I can say I like it but you have to be jobless to enjoy it because you have to keep up to the pace of your TL (TimeLine).

During the weekend I get more time to tweet, this particular weekend a handle (profile name) caught my attention. The handle was weird but the avatar was eye-catching, I followed the pretty lady and asked her for a follow back, which she did. We started tweeting each other, later we migrated to DM and later we exchanged pins. I became a twi-addict because of her, at work I will run to the toilet to tweet or ping her and she will also do the same.

It sounded strange when I told my buddies that I had fallen in love with a girl I met on twitter but I knew what my heart wanted and it was her. My heart yearn for her each day as we chat and ping. We finally exchanged numbers after 4months of DM’s and pinging. I couldn’t wait to hear her voice; I was imagining different kind of voice that could sound like her… I finally called her and the first word she said made me strong (you know what I mean)’Hey, I have been waiting for your call’ she said… We chatted and chatted till we were tired.

I decided to take our friendship to another level; I travelled to meet her where she was staying. She was more beautiful in real life than her avatar or pictures I see. She took me to her friends and she spoke so well about me, no one will ever believe we were just meeting in real life for the first time. We went out for dinner. She later dropped me at the hotel. I wanted to have sex with her so bad but I have to respect myself and be a gentleman that I am.

The next day we went to meet her parents and she introduced me has her boyfriend. Wow, I was scared because I didn’t know how to tell them we met via twitter. They were so nice to me and asked about my parents, we all left on a beautiful note. She went to drop me at the hotel and this time she followed me to my room. She told me she loved and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I told her I wanted the same too. We had the best sex of our lives, although she was a novice (virgin) but I made it worthwhile for her. The sex made me thinking,’ this is it; this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. She looked so beautiful as I watch her sleep off in my arms’. I called my best friend and told him I have found my missing ribs, he didn’t believe me because he knew I was a joker but this time I was dead serious.

I went back home and couldn’t get her off my mind, her parents called to know if I landed safely and all. They treated me like their son and it even made me closer to her. I became less active on twitter and we continued our beautiful relationship.

Did I tell you she can cook? She is the best cook after my mother. When I took her home to meet my parents, she was so lively with them. She and my mom even had a cooking competition which she won. Mom and dad were so happy. She was so homely, neat and nice. After she went back home mom and dad asked me ‘What next?’ . They also couldn’t wait for me to marry her.

I finally took the bold step when we both travelled to Dubai, a place she always wanted to go, it was a great opportunity for me… I proposed to her on my bended kneels in the desert after we had a bumpy desert ride. She was just crying, tears of joy I hope. She said ‘Yes’. I kissed her hand and put the ring in her finger.

Months after the proposal, I am waiting at the altar for my beautiful soon-to-be-bride to walk down that aisle to me her soon-to-be-groom.  As she walked down that aisle ‘I was like wow!’ I am so sure the priest heard me, my best man smiled at me. She looked like an angel; she was soooooooo beautiful. The knot was tied and we walked down the aisle as a couple…

What can I say? All I can say is thank you God for helping find my missing ribs. People may say internet love doesn’t work but mine worked. I will always be grateful to my best friend that told me to sign up for twitter, without him I wouldn’t have found my sweetheart.  She is my all in all, we have our good and bad times but we learn each day. My wife is now preggie. I am so elated… Later tweeties, I will keep you posted whether it would be a boy or a girl or even twins or maybe triplet, what can I say?

Indeed, a strong woman...

I sit in front of my mother’s gravestone with tears in my eyes; all I could think of was how strong she was during all those punches, slaps and beatings of her life she gets from my father. She will always smile at us whenever we see her on the floor crying and say ‘Tears of joy’. It made me think everyone that cries were happy.

One day I saw mom’s eyes swollen and when I asked her what happened, she said ‘Tambolo (ant) bit me’. I was little then so I believed mom, it even made me scared of tambolo because I didn’t want to have a swollen eye like mom, the sight was gruesome. Mom always had something to say anytime we noticed a scar on her. The other day she had a swollen cheek; she said she was hiding her scotch egg from us …lol

As I grew older I started to feel the pain mom was going through, mom’s screams, wails, pains and all were unbearable. After every beating mom gets from dad, dad will take us out to a lovely restaurant. He will get flowers for mom and sing for her. It made we ponder for a while who this man was. I couldn’t get a nomenclature for him. He was the best dad and also the worst person on earth. 

Whenever I tell mom ‘I hate daddy’, she will tell me that ‘you will not understand now my dear, when you grow older, you will understand better’ was all she will say whenever I talk to her. What wont I understand was all I was thinking of, is it the beatings mom gets from dad or the affections he showers after every beating? I pondered. I loved dad and also I hate him.

I will never forget February 14^th, in the evening when dad pushed mom down the stairways. Mom was pregnant; she was also carrying Lilly, my younger sister. I still remember all that happened that night. Mom did not get dad what he expected for Valentine’s Day and he got mom what she wanted, that was all. Mom begged and begged but all fell to dad’s deaf ears, he just pushed mom and before I knew it. All I saw was a pool of blood, Lilly’s and moms’ blood. Mom lost the pregnancy and Lilly died. It was a sad year for my family; we didn’t tell anyone what dad did. We just said mom slipped.

Mom lost 3 pregnancies because of the beatings and punches she got from dad. I couldn’t tell anyone what mom was going through, I couldn’t even tell my friends that I was in pain. Anytime grandma comes she leaves with tears, she will warn dad and tell mom to leave dad but mom will say ‘I love him, he is the father of my lovely children’. Love? Is that what people call love? Beating? Punches? If beating and punching is the definition of love I don’t ever want to fall in love.

I overheard Aunty Shelia (mom’s best friend) telling mom that dad cannot change, she said ‘Michael has been like this since university and after marriage and all, he has still not change. He can never change sweetheart. I love you and I don’t want to lose you. Please end this marriage. Think of the psychological trauma your child is going through. This is not Love, this is lust. Lilly and Carla are dead do you want to lose your last child because of love. If you don’t end this marriage, I will end it for you’. Mom and Aunty Sheila argued, aunty Sheila left in tears. I could place my mind on what to do. Should I run to grandma, should I kill dad? Was all I was pondering after I overheard mom and Aunty Sheila.  Dad has been beating mom before they married, if I remember clearly dad and mom have been married for 18years and they dated for 3years, that’s 21 years of beating and punching. My mom was indeed a strong woman.

I got back from school for the Christmas break and I found mom on the floor crying, she was just telling me to take good care of myself and dad, that she will always love us. I was asking her what happened, I had to call my neighbor to help me carry mom to the hospital. Before we got to the hospital mom was gone, gone as in gone forever. I will never see her again; she never wanted me or my late younger siblings to be sad. She died smiling, smiling that she is going to a better place where there is no pain, punch or beatings but just peace. I couldn’t cry, I called grandma and Aunty Sheila to tell them mom was in the hospital, I couldn’t summon the courage to tell them mom was dead as a result of the beatings she got from dad…

The burial went well and everyone spoke well about mom even the wicked father of mine. I couldn’t sleep for days, I always dreamt of dad beating mom and mom in white smiling at me. The whole burial week was a miserable week for me. Who will I live with? How will I cope? With God by my side, I will be strong; I will move forward, nothing is going to hold me back.

I wipe my tears and say this to my fellow ladies ‘. Love has no constant definition. It can be defined in different meanings. My mom’s definition was staying with the man you love even though he beats you like a pumpkin. My mom knew my dad could not change and she stayed with him till he killed her. Is that love? If your boyfriend beats you while you are still dating and you call that love, then you are going into a big pit. Take him for counseling or better still leave him. I know women can be annoying but men should be patient too. My mom got beaten for 22years and the reasons most times were just pointless. Well, I don’t have any definition for love. I will never fall in love. I will never marry. I will go and help train children in the orphanage, mom always loved kids. So that’s what I will do with my remaining years on earth.’