Indeed, a strong woman...

I sit in front of my mother’s gravestone with tears in my eyes; all I could think of was how strong she was during all those punches, slaps and beatings of her life she gets from my father. She will always smile at us whenever we see her on the floor crying and say ‘Tears of joy’. It made me think everyone that cries were happy.

One day I saw mom’s eyes swollen and when I asked her what happened, she said ‘Tambolo (ant) bit me’. I was little then so I believed mom, it even made me scared of tambolo because I didn’t want to have a swollen eye like mom, the sight was gruesome. Mom always had something to say anytime we noticed a scar on her. The other day she had a swollen cheek; she said she was hiding her scotch egg from us …lol

As I grew older I started to feel the pain mom was going through, mom’s screams, wails, pains and all were unbearable. After every beating mom gets from dad, dad will take us out to a lovely restaurant. He will get flowers for mom and sing for her. It made we ponder for a while who this man was. I couldn’t get a nomenclature for him. He was the best dad and also the worst person on earth. 

Whenever I tell mom ‘I hate daddy’, she will tell me that ‘you will not understand now my dear, when you grow older, you will understand better’ was all she will say whenever I talk to her. What wont I understand was all I was thinking of, is it the beatings mom gets from dad or the affections he showers after every beating? I pondered. I loved dad and also I hate him.

I will never forget February 14^th, in the evening when dad pushed mom down the stairways. Mom was pregnant; she was also carrying Lilly, my younger sister. I still remember all that happened that night. Mom did not get dad what he expected for Valentine’s Day and he got mom what she wanted, that was all. Mom begged and begged but all fell to dad’s deaf ears, he just pushed mom and before I knew it. All I saw was a pool of blood, Lilly’s and moms’ blood. Mom lost the pregnancy and Lilly died. It was a sad year for my family; we didn’t tell anyone what dad did. We just said mom slipped.

Mom lost 3 pregnancies because of the beatings and punches she got from dad. I couldn’t tell anyone what mom was going through, I couldn’t even tell my friends that I was in pain. Anytime grandma comes she leaves with tears, she will warn dad and tell mom to leave dad but mom will say ‘I love him, he is the father of my lovely children’. Love? Is that what people call love? Beating? Punches? If beating and punching is the definition of love I don’t ever want to fall in love.

I overheard Aunty Shelia (mom’s best friend) telling mom that dad cannot change, she said ‘Michael has been like this since university and after marriage and all, he has still not change. He can never change sweetheart. I love you and I don’t want to lose you. Please end this marriage. Think of the psychological trauma your child is going through. This is not Love, this is lust. Lilly and Carla are dead do you want to lose your last child because of love. If you don’t end this marriage, I will end it for you’. Mom and Aunty Sheila argued, aunty Sheila left in tears. I could place my mind on what to do. Should I run to grandma, should I kill dad? Was all I was pondering after I overheard mom and Aunty Sheila.  Dad has been beating mom before they married, if I remember clearly dad and mom have been married for 18years and they dated for 3years, that’s 21 years of beating and punching. My mom was indeed a strong woman.

I got back from school for the Christmas break and I found mom on the floor crying, she was just telling me to take good care of myself and dad, that she will always love us. I was asking her what happened, I had to call my neighbor to help me carry mom to the hospital. Before we got to the hospital mom was gone, gone as in gone forever. I will never see her again; she never wanted me or my late younger siblings to be sad. She died smiling, smiling that she is going to a better place where there is no pain, punch or beatings but just peace. I couldn’t cry, I called grandma and Aunty Sheila to tell them mom was in the hospital, I couldn’t summon the courage to tell them mom was dead as a result of the beatings she got from dad…

The burial went well and everyone spoke well about mom even the wicked father of mine. I couldn’t sleep for days, I always dreamt of dad beating mom and mom in white smiling at me. The whole burial week was a miserable week for me. Who will I live with? How will I cope? With God by my side, I will be strong; I will move forward, nothing is going to hold me back.

I wipe my tears and say this to my fellow ladies ‘. Love has no constant definition. It can be defined in different meanings. My mom’s definition was staying with the man you love even though he beats you like a pumpkin. My mom knew my dad could not change and she stayed with him till he killed her. Is that love? If your boyfriend beats you while you are still dating and you call that love, then you are going into a big pit. Take him for counseling or better still leave him. I know women can be annoying but men should be patient too. My mom got beaten for 22years and the reasons most times were just pointless. Well, I don’t have any definition for love. I will never fall in love. I will never marry. I will go and help train children in the orphanage, mom always loved kids. So that’s what I will do with my remaining years on earth.’

It's complicated.

I am at the embassy, waiting for the white lady to call me to submit my passport for my immigrant visa. 

'IV65', she calls.

I stand up to meet her, 

'Hello ma'am, your DNA does not match your fathers DNA'. 

I feel like slapping the lady, at the same time I am lost in thoughts ‘Like really? My fathers' DNA does not match mine? How na? There must be a mistake somewhere jor.’ I ask the lady if there is a mix-up somewhere, and she confirms her report is straight from the Homeland Security in U.S.A. She advised that I come with my father next time for a second test. I leave in utter shock. ‘Never, daddy is my daddy. No way!’

I call mum and dad, telling them there is a problem I could not explain on the phone. I get home, head straight to my room where I cry my eyes out of their socket. To me, my world was crashing right before me in ways I couldn’t fathom. Mum and dad barge into my room, asking what the problem was. I finally gather the strength in between sobs to tell them what I was told at the embassy. Dad stands up and looks at mum with so much fury, saying 'Sweetheart, you have some explanations to do' I tell them that it's definitely a mistake.

Otunba Tunji called to let me know he was in town, he noticed I was down and asked me what the problem was. I told him, he said that was a small issue and he would link me up with his friends in the Embassy. It just clicked that I had some top-dog aristos a.k.a sugar daddies that I could call. I started calling them; Chief Obi gave me someone's number at the embassy that I could contact. Alhaji Bukola told me to come and collect a note from him, which I did. I went to see Otunba Tunji the next day at his place, as usual we had fun. After which, he made some calls on my behalf and gave me some contacts to get in touch with.

Α month later, dad and I went for the DNA test; I had called every single contact I got from my sugar-daddies before going for the test. We went to the hospital and did the DNA test again. Within two months, I received a call asking me to come for an interview at the embassy. I was so happy that I called all my sugar-daddies to thank them.

At the embassy, I was shining my 32 teeth; so happy that I would finally get to see my younger ones. My number was called and I went to meet the lady. 

'Ma'am your DNA does not match this man's DNA’. I told her to repeat what she just said because it was like all I heard her speak was in Greek. I thanked her and left. I didn't call anyone. While I was driving home, I remembered one part in our high school slum book that said: ‘If you find out that the Father you always lived with is not your father, what you will do?’ .I have spent 26years of my life with this lovely father of mine and I can't imagine living with someone else…

When I got home I saw mum and dad in the living room, mum was crying. I asked what happened and dad told me to sit down, mum said ‘my love, daddy is not your daddy’. I said ‘It’s a lie. I have heard but I do not believe’. I ran to my room crying, I started throwing up and my temperature was high.

Mum and dad came to wake me up the next morning; they said they were sorry for what I was going through. I told them I was feeling sick and I want to see a doctor. I went to the hospital and did some test. When I got home, I asked mum who my so-called real dad was. She said she will tell me when I am a lot better.

I went to the hospital the next day to get my result, I found out I was pregnant. ‘For who?’ was what I was pondering. I could not tell mum and dad what my result had confirmed. I just told them it was not ready. In my room, I pondered who impregnated me, could it be my aristo’s or Dele I had a quickie with at the club last month.  I slept off while pondering. My phone woke me up it was Chief Obi calling; he wanted to see me that night. I told him I couldn’t make it because I was not feeling too well.

In room I pondered, ‘should I have an abortion? No ooooooo, what if I die nkan. Ok, let me just take the bold step and tell mum and dad. Who will I tell them impregnated me?’ As I was pondering mum came to my room to tell me that my so-called real dad was in the living room. To my surprise, who did I see…

I woke up and found myself in the hospital, mum, dad and my so-called real dad who also happens to be my sugar daddy, Otunba Tunji, crying by my bedside. Tears were flowing down my eyes, I couldn’t tell them what was making me cry. I struggled so hard to smile but tears still kept flowing but this time faster than before. I was screaming and wailing, I just wanted to give up the ghost; I wanted the floor to swallow me, I couldn’t look at my parents. I was thinking ‘How will I tell them that I was pregnant for my so-called real dad, who also happens to be my sugar-daddy.’

Everyone left me alone with mum; she hugged me and told me I will be fine. I told her she will not understand. I closed my eyes and told mum I was pregnant, she said she knew. I hugged her so tight and whispered to her ears ‘I’m pregnant for Otunba Tunji’. She pushed me away and gave me a dirty slap. ‘How could you? How did it happen? No, no.’ that was all she said as she walked out of my hospital room.

I sit on my bed with my fingers in my mouth. I said to myself ‘What did I put myself into? Am I about to make the same mistake my mother made 26years ago? No way, I will never lie to my child, but how will I tell my child that my father is also her father. The only way to end this question is to abort this child but I will be killing a soul that may grow up to be a president or princess. I am going to abort this baby and that is it. No turning back, I’m only saving us from a worse future scenario.’

A Great man once said: ‘Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from’. I have learnt from my mistake and I hope you learn from mine.

Strangers, again

I came across this video on YouTube and I decided to share. Although it was my lovely brother that told me about it. I learnt from it and I hope you all will learn from it. I learnt that everything in life have stages, how we cross each stage is left to us.

STRANGERS, AGAIN
Every relationship goes through stages. Where and how each stage develops is ultimately up to each person. While we always hope for the best,we often can't avoid the inevitable. Josh and Marrissa are at a crossroads and their future is uncertain. Josh will guide us through each stage of the relationship as it formed and as he predicts it will end up as. ENJOY!

Hope you Enjoyed it? So did you learn from it? NO? Well, I did.*shrug*

A Letter from Mom and Dad.

My Lovely Child,

When I get old, I hope you understand and have patience with me. In case I break a plate, or spill soup on the table because I’m losing my eyesight, I hope you don’t yell at me. Older people are sensitive… always having self-pity when you yell.

When my hearing gets worse and I can’t hear what you’re saying, I hope you don’t call me “DEAF!” please repeat what you said or write it down. I’m sorry, my child… I’m getting older.

When my knees get weaker, I hope you have the patience to help me get up. Like how I use to help you while you were little, learning how to walk. Please bear with me.

When I keep repeating myself like a broken record, I hope you just keep listening to me. Please don’t make fun of me, or get sick of listening to me. Do you remember when you were little and you wanted a doll and a balloon? You repeated yourself over and over until you got what you wanted.

…Please also pardon my smell. I smell like an old person. Please don’t force me to shower. My body is weak. Old people get sick easily when they’re cold. I hope I don’t gross you out. Do you remember when you were little? I use to chase you around because you didn’t want to shower.

I hope you can be patient with me when I’m always cranky; it’s all part of getting old. You’ll understand when you’re older. And if you have spare time, I hope we can talk even for a few minutes. I’m always all by myself all the time and have no one to talk to. I know you’re busy with work. Even if you’re not interested in my stories, please have time for me. Do you remember when you were little? I used to listen to your stories about your teddy bear and batman.

When the time comes and I get ill and bedridden, I hope you have the patience to take care of me. I’m sorry, if I accidentally wet the bed or make a mess. I hope you have the patience to take care of me during the last few moments of my life. I’m not going to last much longer, anyway.

When the time of death comes, I hope you hold my hand and give me the strength to face death. And don’t worry… When I finally meet our creator I will whisper in his ear to BLESS you because you loved your Mom and Dad.

Thank you so much for your care. We love you.

                                                                                                                                With much love,

                                                                                                                                 Mom and Dad

I just wanted to share this with y'all...Hope you learn from it.Thanks. J

Teenage Pregnancy

Teenage pregnancy is very rampant in our generation today. So many people to blame for it but we can’t blame people for our own mistakes.

Teenage pregnancy is 100% preventable if we take preventive measures. I always imagined what if the guy you had unprotected sex with was HIV positive do you know you will be infected.

I went to the hospital one day to see a friend that just gave birth, and I saw a 14 year old pregnant HIV patient who came for ante-natal care. She didn’t know she had the virus because the young lad that she had unprotected sex with didn’t tell her he had the virus and he also did not protect himself neither did she. After series of test, she found out she had the killer virus that could endanger the baby in her womb. If she had prevented herself, she wouldn’t have gotten the virus and also the pregnancy.

I always respect teenagers that keep their pregnancy because they took the bold step to save a life instead of aborting it. Teen pregnancy is one of the most difficult experiences a young person might ever face when it interrupts school or other plans. It can create an emotional crisis resulting in feelings of shame and fear, and it may appear that you will crumble under pressures in your environment. The stress of how you are going to break this news to your parents might be even greater, and finding help may seem an impossible task.

However, denying the pregnancy or ignoring it can only make things worse for you and your baby. Denial will not take the pregnancy away; instead, you will lose the time you could have invested in prenatal care and counseling. You have options, and making a choice may be simple or difficult, depending on your situation.

The other day on facebook I heard an old schoolmate of mine died while giving birth, people were blaming the hospital for the mishap. It could have been the hospital and it could also have been that the teenager did not take the necessary prenatal vitamins or some other things related to teen pregnancy.

 Most teenagers don't plan to get pregnant, but many do. Teen pregnancies carry extra health risks to the mother and the baby. Often, teenagers don't receive timely prenatal care, and they have a higher risk for pregnancy-related high blood pressure and its complications. Risks for the baby include premature birth and a low birth weight or may even cause death for the mother and child or mother or child.

If you're a pregnant teenager, you can help yourself and your baby by

• Taking your prenatal vitamins for your health and to prevent some birth defects.
• Avoiding smoking, alcohol and drugs.
• Using a condom, if you are still having sex, to prevent sexually transmitted diseases that could hurt your baby.

Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends and family whenever a teenager is having a sex talk with you please don’t assume they are doing it and also don’t ignore them. Let’s educate them on the preventive measures and the risk of unprotected sex. It will only help us reduce the teen pregnancy rate and the teen HIV rate. Thank You.